Tuesday, January 3, 2017

A New Approach to A New Year

Dress // thrifted
Slip dress // thrifted
Black Exclusive Leggings // Simple Addiction
Booties // Walmart
Tassle Bag // Jane.com (similar)
Earrings // Sole Society

It's here. That time of year where we all sit down and make a list of our resolutions and then share them with everyone else so we can feel a little more accountable to stick to them. We write down everything we want to accomplish in the coming months and how we want to improve ourselves for the better. I know that it's nothing new to say that I have some resolutions of my own or that they're probably similar to the ones I've made every year for the past several years. Being healthier, more active, less focused on me. I have those. But, this year, I'm more focused on settings goals and priorities instead of "resolutions". I'm trying to be more purposeful about what, and who, I spend my time on and more pro-active about getting rid of all the excess. The self doubt, the junk and the negativity. I recently read a little quote that said something along the lines of, no one is stopping you from being who you want to be, except you. No one is stopping you from doing the things you want to do, except you. Stop blaming others for who you are, or aren't, or the life you're living, or missing, and go out and create it for yourself. YES. That's what I want to do in the coming year. 

I want to be more purposeful about choosing happiness over depression, openness over fear and love over neglect. I want to be the one that invites the new mom to a play date and the visitor at church to sit with us in (what's left of) our pew. The one that isn't afraid to put myself out there for fear of rejection but, instead jumps (or hurdles myself) at new opportunities for fear of what I could MISS if I didn't. I want to be intentional about showing love to my boys each and every day as much as I possibly can. In the little moments, and the big. To be the one they know they can share with and hoping that I become the one they eventually WANT to share with. It's becoming all too apparent to me that this life is fragile. The years of having our children close to us are fleeting, they don't last nearly long enough. Everyday I look at my boys and think, wow. When did you become such an awesome little boy and man, I sure hope I remember this when you're older. I'm quickly learning that I won't always have the luxury of having them home with me and the freedom to spend time with them whenever and however I want to. Time is a thief that way. There's nothing I can really do about it, except for taking advantage of what I have right now. In this moment. Not dwelling on what I wish was mine or pining for the future. If I'm constantly thinking ahead, I just might miss what's right in front of me in the present. 

I want to soak up every sloppy kiss and squeeze around the neck. Every body slam and tug at my hand. The way Blake throws his whole weight on top of us when he wants to get rowdy. Or the way Tyler looks at me when I round the corner to get him up from nap, like it's been a lifetime since he saw me last. The way he stretches his arms out as far as they'll go until he can grab hold of my hand, my arm, or anything that's within reach. He just loves to touch me. There are days when I definitely feel "touched out" but I try to never reject his affection, even for a moment. These may seem like little things to some but, to me? They're what I live for.

I'm so proud of (and slightly annoyed at) the way JD has grown up in these last few months. He's becoming a young man and not a little boy and there are days when I think, my goodness, when did that happen.. But, I know I've been here for all of it. Every smile and every tantrum. I haven't missed it and that, that makes me happy. I'm thankful for the boy that I see my Lucas becoming every day. The one who loves to poke fun at his brothers and tattles nearly every chance he can get. But, will also be the first to rescue them if they've gotten hurt or grab a tissue if they need their nose wiped. He's got such a sweet soul and a tender heart and it hurts me that the world will try to harden it someday. So I'll teach him while I can, love him while I can, hug him while I can and grow with him, while I can. And try my darndest to be joyful in the process. 

There are days when I honestly look at my life and think, how on earth did I ever deserve this. Four of the best kids around and a husband who works so hard to give us the world. He is the first, best decision I made and I thank the Lord for him every single day. Giving him more of my good days is high on my priority list this year. It can be so tough to be Momma all day and then try to remember that I was his first. I want him to have more of my smiles, more of my happy and more of my intentional joy. I want to show him how much I love him and speak to him in the way he needs me to. To be the wife he doesn't even know he's missing.

This year is going to be a big one for me. I'm determined to focus on the good, the blessings and the highs and let loose of the sadness and little failures that I feel each and every day. At the Wilson Christmas this year, Glen's Poppie pulled out some old movies of Christmases past when he and Grammie were raising their two daughters and I couldn't help but notice that every time the camera panned across the room and Grammie would be on the screen, she would be smiling. 

That's going to be me this year. I have no doubt that we'll go through tough times and feel incredible lows but, I also know that God has it all under control. The sickness, the pain, the sadness and depression. The money troubles and the stress. None of it is mine. I'm merely living in the midst of it and the least I can do is be joyful for the good things that are there. For the home I'm living in and the family that surrounds me, the food that fills my pantry and the clothes in our closets. We have SO. MUCH. more than so many people and there isn't a day that goes by that the magnitude of that is lost on me. I am so blessed. 

Happiest New Year. I pray so much that you will see the blessings of your life and not the things that try to take away from it. Let's all make a pact to be the best versions of ourselves in 2017. If you need a little help figuring out just who that is, I know right where you should start. :)

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