photography by my talented Aunt, Jeanette McGuire (Thank you SO MUCH!)
Let't talk life. It's hard. Of course, no one ever said it was going to be easy, did they. I think that too often we assume that what we see on the outside (or out in public) is how it is for everyone and that it just sort of happens. We like to skip all the messy, sticky parts and jump right ahead to the part where everyone is happy and getting along and doing their share of the chores without any fuss or complaining. The truth of the matter is, that's just not always the case. In fact, it rarely is.
I would hate to think that someone, anyone, especially not another Momma or young woman thinking about motherhood, would look at my Instagram or Facebook account and think harsh thoughts about her own ability to become who she wants to be or how able she is to mother her family. That she would get any sense of disappointment in her own life versus the life she sees showcased in those tiny squares or two line FB posts. Now, I'm not saying my feed is an incredibly cohesive or overly gorgeous one, I know it's not. But, I tend to only share the happy, heart bursting moments over there. The ones that I want to remember forever but I'm afraid I won't be able to so I put them there to look back on more easily. The thing is, my family has tough times too. We have days, weeks and months that are just plain hard and while I want to encourage others that it's completely normal, that doesn't make it any less difficult.
So often I get the question, "Do they ever fight?". I think there's this sort of generalization that goes with homeschooling that gives the idea that your kids are the best of friends and they do everything together and they always get along and maybe they're singing a little song together while they clean and cook a five star dinner for the whole family. While some of that is true (obviously not the five star dinner part), they do have an incredible friendship and they love spending time together, at the end of the day, they're still kids. They have their good days and bad days and while we do our best to turn the tough ones around, it just doesn't always happen. So, yes, they fight. Yes, there are times when I lose my temper and feel completely overwhelmed with the house and scheduling time for school and getting all that laundry washed so I can fold it and put it away and trying to carve out just FIVE minutes in the day to have to myself. Believe me, there are days. But, while I try my best to keep it all together, I don't want to put on a front or be dishonest either. I want to be completely genuine and real and honest about who I am as a mom and who we are as a family. But, it wears on us, doesn't it.
So, in the days when I'm constantly refereeing fights or cleaning up spills or trying my darndest to organize the house one little corner at a time, I'll remember to do my best to do it all with love. To use those moments to show my boys how to have a happy heart. Even if it means counting to ten and taking a deep breath. And I'm going to lean on the ones God has given me. My friends and family. The mothers in my life that know all too well all the little failures and triumphs I'm dealing with every day because they've walked it before or are currently walking it with me right now. Why not navigate it together?
And, I'm going to try harder. Not that I'm not giving it my all right now. Maybe I've just got my priorities mixed up a little. I want to be intentional about giving my family and friends the absolute best of me. My happiest and most genuine moments but, also to share in sadness and regret and feel free to get our emotions out there. Raising boys (and families) is not for the faint of heart. And, while I pray daily for the Lord to add a daughter to our crew, I am so, SO thankful for these little men that he's so generously blessed me with. They are seriously the coolest and I don't know where I'd be right now if He wasn't truly in control of it all. Share with a Momma friend today. Let her know where you're at and maybe she won't feel quite so alone with what she's going through either. Happy Thursday friends.